Me and the Dragoons

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Awright, so dere I was on dee Whitestar and wee were in port somewhere (Aye really dunno where). We were all workin’ on dir ship gettin’ it all clean and shiny, ay wish aye could tell ye, but aye was followin’ Quintin’s orders.

Anyways, back to me story…A messenger appeared at dee dock wearin’ a red sheet over his clothes wit a black diamond on die sides. ‘E requested to see die Cap’n immediately; ‘e kept on sayin’ dat ‘twas important. Quintin walked over to dee guy and took a piece of parchment from ‘em (like dis one). Quintin den walked over to die Cap’n and handed it to ‘em. Die Cap’n unrolled it, looked at it and den handed it back to Quintin. Quintin looked at it and then called Mordecai over. Mordecai walked over and looked at it an’ den turned to dee Cap’n and talked. Dee Cap’n then told Quintin somethin’ and Quintin walked over to die Messenger guy and said somethin’ to him. Dee Messenger saluted an’ left.

Tryin’ me best to mind me own business, aye tried to continue swabbing die deck. Die Cap’n cam up to me wit Quintin next to ‘em. “Jamie, Boy” he said. “I have just received word from the Captain of the 3rd Auxiliary Dragoons about a war that is about to waged on the Western area of this Kingdom. I, we, have been asked to aide him in this fight. Quintin, Mordecai, you and me will be traveling to the Dragoon encampment to fight and win this war for the glory of the King and Queen. You are to pack all of your fighting gear and return to this deck by two bells. Understood?”

Takin’ a moment to capture it all, ay understood somethin’ about a fight an’ shore leave from dee ship wit dee Cap’n, Quintin an’ Mordecai. Now, ay dunno ‘bout braggin’ but Ay ain’ missin’ a chance for shore leave, fightin’ an’ hangin’ wit dee Cap’n (‘E usually gives me dee best ale!!!). Dus, aye replied, “Ay, ay, Cap’n” an’ aye quickly went an’ grabbed all of me fightin’ gear.

Aye arrived on deck to find Mariam an’ Mama Cat waitin’ for me; “Jamie, dear.” Said Mama Cat, “You are to come with Mariam and I over to the Carriage that the boys have procured for me.” We walked over to a nice lookin’ carriage. Dee Cap’n greeted Mama Cat and escorted her into dee carriage. ‘E den escorted Mariam into dee carriage. ‘E den walked up to me, “Jamie, stow your gear in the back trunk and jump up front next to Quintin. I understand that you have some knowledge driving horses, so you’ll be helpin’ him.” Aye did have to drive dee carriage to market back on dee farm in Scotland. So, Aye nodded an’ did what dee Cap’n told me to do.

Wee arrived at a large encampment wit two large Black an’ Red tent thinggy’s which Mordcai tol’ me later were called Pavelins. Dee Cap’n came out of dee carriage wearin’ one of dose red cloths (but way better lookin’ wit gold on it). As ‘e escorted Mama Cat out of dee Carriage, a big guy walked up to dee Cap’n. “Lewd ten ant,” Aye heard dee Cap’n say. Dey talked and talked an’ den dee Cap’n pointed out an area an Quintin an’ aye startin’ wit settin’ up arrr camp.

Later dat evenin’ aye ‘twas told to dress nice fur dee dinner, so as aye came out of me tent, Mariam handed me one of dose red cloths. “The Captain has requested that you wear this tabard over your shirt to dinner tonight.” Not wanting to piss off dee Cap’n, aye did as ‘twas told.

Aye arrived at dinner and ‘twas told to sit next to some broad built guy wit curly black hair. “I’m Basil of Emerson,” he said as aye sat down. “Aye’m Jamie of dee Whitestar,” Aye replied. Aye really didn’t wan to talk to ‘em cuz eve’ry English person ay’ve met ay didn’ like. We were den asked to rise and lift dee little glasses dat were in front of us. Dee Cap’n, the heavy-set Lewd ten ant and some Tall thin guy wit long hair were standin’ at dee head of dee table. Ay really couldn’t ‘ear a word dat dey were sayin’ but aye cawt on where we were to drink. Dee small cup contained SCOTCH!!! Aye was lovin’ dee taste of that liquid. So much, that I drank that Englishman’s share when ‘e wasn’ lookin. Some wenches (ay think dat’s what dey were) came by and refilled arr cups and dee Cap’n an’ dee other two guys talked an’ we drank. An jus after we ate, some tall guy in a fur cap offered a cause zack drink called Bar Wench Kah. It ‘twas hot an blossomed in me throat as it went down. Dee Englishmen kept on talkin’ bout how dee furry guy makes dee best Bar Wench Kah in all dee land. Honestly, it tasted like dee hot drink’s served on dee ship dat couldn’ get ya pissed.

After dinner, dee Englishman started to brag to me about how great ‘is stash of liquor was. Not belivin’ dis guy, aye took ‘em up on ‘is offer. We walked into ‘is tent and ‘e showed me somthin’ an’ ‘e offered me a swig. ‘Twas light weight piss an’ aye told ‘em dat. ‘E challenged me to a drinkin’ contest. Not to be out staged by an Englishman, aye accepted. After two drinks, dee Englishman was passed out. Aye rummaged through ‘is liquor trunk and found some good stuff and decided to drink all of it to teach ‘em a lesson. Dat lesson be’in never challenges a Scot to a drinkin’ game!

Aye must’ve passed out ‘cuz the next thing I knew. The tall guy with the long hair was standing over me yellin’ “Basil, Kommst heir jetzt!” ‘E grabbed me an’ threw me outta dee tent. “Basil, Wir gehen da drüben!” An’ ‘e pointed to an area past the tents.

“Ay’m not Basil. Ay’m Jamie.” Aye said to ‘em. ‘E just looked at me an said, “Wir gehen da drüben!” An’ he pointed again. Ay decided to do as ‘e said cuz aye was hopin’ to find Quintin or dee Cap’n, plus me head was hurtin’ too much to really argue wit dee guy.

We ended up on a hill wit a few other people, none of dem were Quintin, Mordecai or dee Cap’n. Dee tall long-haried guy (who one of dee other people called “Eye sac”) started talking, again I really couldn’t understand what ‘e was sayin. The guy standin’ next to me bumped me on dee shoulder an’ said, “You get that, Basil.” Aye looked at ‘em an’ said at the top of me lungs, “AY’M NOT BASIL!!! Ay’m not that English filth, I’m a Scot and me name’s Jamie!” The guy looked at me and said, “Well, Jamie, if that’s what we are to call you today, you will be playing the part of Basil in our unit. Please make sure that you use your buckler to shield my advance, sweep our opponents blades so that I can kill them and oh…DON’T DIE. Got that?” Aye nodded an’ was a bit pissed at ‘is flippancy toward me, but Mordecai have told me dat, “tis better to follow along and get through a bad situation den to get into a fight an’ get killed fer nothing.” An in thinkin’ ‘bout Mordecai, Aye said a prayer hopin dat I was gonna see dee ship an’ crew again. Den aye remember Quintin’s motto, “Put yer enemies’ life in a threatenin’ spot when dey least spect it an’ ya cant get hurt.” So aye marched off wit dem to dee battlefield to fight an’ kill people.

We arrived on dee battlefield an aye saw a huge army advancin’ toward us. It must’ve been 30 men wide an’ two men deep. Aye ‘ad never seen anythin’ like it, even dee stories dat me brother, Dauid would tell me were nothin’ like dis. Aye guess Dauid’s battalion never saw a real fight.

The other army ‘twas a yellin’ an’ a screamin’ at us from dere distance. Now, remember that ay’ve had nothin’ to eat, nothin’ to drink an’ ay’ve got a killer headache! Rite now all aye wants to do is shut dem stupid guys up, or a least beat dem into a pulp. Dey really donna want to get me angry!

We walked up to them an’ met dem in engagement. I did as the guy told me to do an’ we were winning and dey were dyin’ or retreatin’ to dee backfiled. As soon as aye saw an opening in dee line, aye raised me buckler and pushed the gap. Aye killed two people while doin’ it. Aye really don’t like fightin’ in a line like dat. Now dat I was past dem, aye looked to see if anyone was comin’ at me. No one was, so aye decided to try to kill dee enemies from behind. Aye was able to kill a few before they started to heed me. Ay den dee Dragoon group killed a few before aye took out dee rest.

Wit dat group gone, dee rest of dee Dragoon group dat aye ‘twas wit, ran off an’ ‘twas busy killin’ people an’ deys were no longer payin’ any ‘tension toward me. So aye take dee opportunity to leave in search of dee Whitestar group. Afterall, dey must not be doin’ so well, cuz dey be missin’ me. So aye headed to higher ground to find me shipmates who must be needin’ me.

As aye reached dee top of dee hill, aye noticed that roughly ten men from dee opposing side were after me. Aye also noticed dee Cap’n, Mordecai, an Quintin coming up dee opposite side to take on anudder six big men. Dey wouldn’t servive such a fight wit out me wit dem. So aye decided to yell at dem, “ACH, what’s wrong ya yeller belly cowards; can’t face the likes of me LADDIES!!!” Dee six men turned away from dee Cap’n an’ company an’ started to head toward me.

Aye decided dat aye needed to stand me ground and kill as many of dem as I could. Dey advanced and tried to surround me. Sixty men were a lot for me to fend off, but I was pissed mad and wanted to be drinkin’ an eatin somethin’ soon. So aye fended off two of them from tryin’ to come up from behind me an even killed one guy and threw ‘em into ‘is friend. Aye yelled, “ACH, can’t ya do better than dat LADDIES!!!” Dat really got dem mad and dey really started to surround me.

Just as everythin’ was about to be under control, roughly eight men still standin’; aye heard a familiar cry, “Jamie, you’ve got friends coming up from behind you.” ‘Twas the Cap’n. “We’ve been looking for you. Guard Quintin as you two hold this front, Mordecai and I will force them around the edges.” In no time flat, Quintin and me killed dee group of people in front of us an’ dee ones that Mordecai forced our way.

After dee fight ‘twas over, we returned to our camp for food an’ grog. Ay told dem what happened to me an’ we drank some more. Ay really don’t remember dee next day, but aye think we packed up an’ returned to dee ship.